Just Be Yourself

today i woke up at 9.15am.
then i get myself ready for the presentation and do some rehearsal.
around 10.40am i make a move from home and went to attend the ES tutorial.
well, the tutor just explain the criteria of the presentation that should have and the most important is whether we are able to sell our ideas at the end.
during my presentation, i start to feel nervous but still able to finish of what i had memorize.
the feedback that the tutor gave me was just okay but my presentation did not give out an excitement and not attractive enough.
somehow i do feel it is quite true that a person could not hide/fake their true personality when they came out on stage because my voice was "shaky" and eventually will give out a no confidence feelings to others.

moreover, it might be true that some people really born to become a seller which some "coward" people like me will keep remain on the back stage doing nothing much.
after the class end, i went to buy some fish ball as my lunch again.
during the evening, i just wandering around and did not start the revision although it was already week 11.
well, i just liked a post talking about "the people that you thought about is not what you think" (原来每个人都不是你看到的那样) but it is in Chinese as shown below.
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我有个朋友，是典型的花花公子，换女友的速度比换衣服快，为此还得到一个不雅的称号“强奸犯”，我曾问他，你到底最爱哪一个，他笑着说，哪个都爱。后来，有一次他喝多了，给我打电话说，我多么希望下一个遇到的就是我的老婆，一个我值得用生命去疼他的女人。原来，他心里还有爱，只是因为曾经被伤害，不是不想，是不敢……

我做活动时认识了一位摄影爱好者，自己经营着一家酒吧，每晚夜店呼朋唤友。但凡有什么事情，他都可以找到有关联的人，想方法解决。结果，有一天，他在网上留言说，我可不可以偶尔找你聊天。我说为什么？他说，因为我没有朋友。因为我没有朋友，这句话我盯着愣了好半天。

我有一位很有钱的同学，很有钱很有钱，他家有多少钱，不是我这个脑袋所能有的概念。小伙长的也不赖，所有的人都认为他身边美女如云，事实上，也的确如此。许久未见，有一次遇到，聊到感情，我说，你可以不用为找女朋友发愁，不用为现在这么高的房价发愁，不用为结婚用钱而发愁。他说，我也愁啊。我问你愁什么？他说，我愁她们是看上我的人还是看上我的钱，你不会了解这两个的区别有多大。

每一个认识我的人，都觉得我很坚强，其实只有我自己知道我脆弱到眼泪多的不值钱，看一本小说也要准备一条毛巾；每一个认识我的人都觉得我很严肃，其实，只有那些和我朝夕相处的室友才知道，我一点也不严肃，而且偶尔还很不正经；每一个人认识我的人都觉得我很独立，很胆大，很事业，其实，只有我知道，我是个极为恋家胸无大志的小女人，我遇到很小的选择都会犹豫，再大的机会摆在我面前，没有人鼓励我也会胆怯的偷偷放弃，每天在话筒前对着全市人民说话的我，却很害怕给陌生人打个电话。

曾几何时，我也羡慕别人的快乐，感受我的孤单；曾几何时，我也在乎别人的眼光，怕有达不到别人期望的那种失望；曾经何时，我也对自己说你已经怎么了，所以你只有做到比这个平台更高，你必须怎么样，不然很失败；曾几何时，我也想过要是有谁谁谁的身材，谁谁谁的性格，也许会不会更好。其实，原来我们都一样……

不记得从什么时候，我们开始把自己抱的紧紧的，紧紧的，害怕试图靠近的人靠近，是在我们进入成人世界的时候么？是在我们面对社会生存的时候么？是在我们遭受了朋友爱人同事欺骗陷害背叛之后么？我们就这样锁住了自己，戴上了面具。

后来的我们，越来越感受到孤单，这是个孤单的年纪。于是，开始慢慢的试探的将心打开，渴望有一个人走进来，说，我懂你的心。遗憾的是，当我们打开自己的时候，却看到了其他所有人紧紧包着自己，没有人愿意走进来了……

每个人，原来都不是你看到的那样。我们把自己紧紧包起来、锁起来，却说没有人懂自己的心。其实，我们都一样。
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guess it is no use to explain about ourselves to other people because they were not you and will never understand about you.
around 7pm i went to have my dinner with a friend at Hometown "Yong Tau Foo" and fetched him back for gym at Tarc.
at night, i played one round of Dota 2 and went out again for supper with the a friend and my ex-housemate.
somehow i discover a lot of my "weakness+bad side" of life and the feelings is quite "sucks" because i knew what they said was quite true.
for example, i know myself is a "lazy" person but myself don't feel to change despite knowing it.

on the other hand, i get distracted when saw a girl that looks similar to "her" as she sit beside our table chatting with a guy but the girl was a smoker.
overall throughout the conversation, i realized more and more about my own personalities and sometime th answer that i find is quite cruel when i know the truth.
seriously blogging to me seems to be a place to confess the guilty that i had done and i believe no one would like other's people to see the "bad side" of their characteristic right?
it is because when i trying so hard to find the answer that i always want to know, but the reality of the answer i got seems to be very demotivate until feeling want to give us. (how would it be if you discover yourself was actually a "sucks"+useless (废柴) person) [lucky she did not choose a wrong guy like me]
around 12.20am we make a move from there and dismiss.

somehow i just feel what my ex-housemate said was quite true that "guy also have their own problem" but they did not show to girl and rather choose a guy to talk with.
it is because you will not want your girlfriend to know that actually their boyfriend is weak in emotional too but did not show up and usually guy will become a "shield" for girl to help them solve their problem.
seriously this things made myself to realize the reason why i don't have or don't even deserve to have a girlfriend because my mindset still not ready as i having so call "autism", childish or known as high self esteem that i not able to help girl to care for their emotional problem. (自己都搞不好自己，还要照顾别人？)
furthermore, it is so true that if you did not "pak toh" (having relationship) in your college life, it would be "very waste" as you had missed an important journey of life after you go to the working world.
in addition, you eventually miss your ex-classmate or ex-ex-classmate when you recall back some memory.

finally i reach back my house at 1am after having a great chat with my ex-housemate.
anyways, below was the Chan Fong (大城心事) recording podcast and thanks to Alex for the post since i had went out but will listen it back tomorrow.
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1) 第一位：Alvin～他一直都是988的忠實聽眾，之前因為出國到台灣去留學了好幾年，純粹只是打電話進來是和陳峰聊天“敘舊”。

2) 第二位：Ms Tan（已離婚 / 育有2名女兒分別是：17歲和18歲）～孩子問題，她覺得兩個女兒長大后都開始變得很叛逆而且很不聽話，而且現在她們分別都各自拍拖去了甚至也不顧學業和自己的前景；她覺得自己對女兒們那麼用心良苦的栽培和付出全都是白費功夫。Part 1 + 2 >>> Here.


3) 第三位：Wendy～老公和被人合作生意到最後不懂何故惹上官司，她老公希望能把他們之前聯名買下的屋子趕快割名到她的名下以防萬一老公宣佈破產，問題是因為貸款還沒付清變得手續上出現一些狀況。。。～～～第二個問題：關於十四歲的女兒最近在面子書上公開告訴大家他喜歡上某一個男生，現在女兒要求她讓那個男生連同其他幾個同學朋友到他們家裡來做客聊天相處；還有批准他們可以出去逛街走走的機會。>>> Here.


4) 第四位：Jojo（27歲）～有個拍拖已經五年的男朋友，現在不小心懷孕了，但是她覺得自己不是很願意嫁給那個男人（她的意思是暫時還不想和對方結婚），理由是因為大家雙方還太年輕而且生活基礎還沒開始建立好；她自己已經做好負責承擔和扛下養孩子所有的責任但是又深怕會影響孩子將來的成長過程和環境。>>> Here.


5) 第五位：阿發（育有4名子女）～他自認本身已經是個百分百的丈夫無論是金錢還是感情甚至是其他等等，但是太太還是對他抱有很多不滿，動不動就說要和他鬧離婚；他打電話來想問陳峰大哥一些關於夫妻之間的相處之道和技巧希望能夠借此機會可以改善他們倆人之間的關係。>>> Here.


6) 第六位（最後一位）：阿May（已婚 / 育有2名孩子）～她丈夫之前有將近一整年的時間沒有做工和收入也經常向她借錢，但是在這種狀況之下竟然還會那麼“好運”有個二奶（小三）跑出來願意和他一起分擔生活費甚至是倒貼她丈夫和支持他，更巧的是那個女人已經被證實懷孕了；而她不知道應該要和丈夫離婚成全對方還是另作安排和打算。>>> Here.

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in conclusion, i do feel quite "stress" when heard a lot of advice and story where it is all depend how i want to solve those problem.
anyways, i will be going for the blog event review and hopefully no one "find" me since i was too "cheapskate" for wanting their free drinks+food.
at last, i think it is no use to worry since the best way is to just be yourself in order to be happy and write what you like instead of what you know.

=D