somehow i do have a very bad dream as i awakens as it was related to "bus incident" although i know i shouldn't think so much since it was just a dream.
after that, i just have some cakes that i brought back from Europe trip as my breakfast since i was "paiseh" (shy) to eat the breakfast at my cousin's house.
besides, i also have some chat with my friend as they was going to Madame Tussauds and London Eye tomorrow as i wanted to follow since it is hard to ask other's people to take picture for me if i go there alone in future.
therefore i just pay £34.50 for the ticket price which require at least a day booking in advance as below.
during the afternoon, i just have some sandwich that prepared by my cousin as my lunch.
after that, i just have some chat with my parents and my sisters using Skype.
somehow i do feel like crying when my mother say "I hope you can be a brand new person that full of self confidence and self esteem when you back to Malaysia" as i had make up the decision to continue staying in London to learn for the English course.
moreover, my sister also said that i shall be doing my best once as i had nothing to lose.
during the evening, i was having some walks with my cousin's children and learned a new things about the "conkers" seeds as they was picking/playing it as below.
it is usually played by two players and each with a conker threaded onto a piece of string where they take turns striking each other's conker until one breaks according to Wiki.
after that, my cousin just told me about the Academic English plus business short course in London where it will start tomorrow and hopefully i can quickly apply it.
somehow i do feel quite uneasy when i saw the tuition fee cost about £940 for one month as it is almost RM5,000 Malaysian Ringgit.
what i can really say during that time was totally speechless within myself.
perhaps it was due to the "owe people feelings" (欠人家人情) as my relative intention was hope that i can improve a lot in my English talking, writing skills and others that would helps a lot in my future career if i planned to work in a Multinational company (MNC) which can create a lot of opportunity.
around 7.40pm i went to have my dinner that prepared by my cousin.
as i was in the middle of eating, my friend sent me a message telling me that he will arrive the underground station that nearby to my relative house to collect his laptop where he asked me to keep last time.
after finished my dinner, i walked out to the Ickenham station around 8.20pm.
somehow he was with another friend's Aunty and she was asking me about why i extend my stay in England.
seriously i start to feel myself so "stupid" and "hated to be honest" for telling her about the my decision to extend my stay for the academic English plus business short course in London for about £1000 because it might not worth to improve English learning skills.
in fact, i shouldn't say much about it because not everything can be shared out and i just feel "sucks" when thinking back now but it is useless.
well, she does have her point too for not accepting the offer from my cousin as it is quite expensive and somehow it might not help in improving my English.
furthermore, it is about the "thick face matters" again as it reminds me about my "Babysitting Cousin's Children" blog post where Peter's advice was "You've taken a good decision to stay 2 months further in London. After all, it's quite common: you're a so called "au pair" (google it) which means that you got free lunch and free language courses and you have to help and support in house-keeping duties (cleaning, baby-sitting a.s.o.). That is really very common (we had a number of au-pair girls when we stayed at London and Paris) and you don't need to have "thick face" for that, as long as you fulfill your obligations" that somehow motivated me at first but now get demotivated a bit after listening to a friend's aunty advice.
finally i arrived back home again at 9pm although my minds is full of thought again.
somehow i do asked my cousin what can i help in return and she just told me that "You just concentrate improve your English skills, maybe by reading the Encyclopedia on the reading room and write her a 500 words of article everyday regarding any topic that interest me" as a starting point.
honestly, i was feeling quite touch when she said that she already treat me like her little brother and if i want to repay her was by trying to be a successful guy in future.
it is because a "typical Chinese mindset" would be "why you want to treat me so good" (为什么你要对我那么好？) as we might think that everything happened for a reason right?
in fact, i don't really know the intention behind but i should think in a positive way that i had nothing to lose.
however, my sister's sharing to me later on the night was maybe foreigner people was more helpful when you don't know much thing compared to Asian people especially in the working environment.
for example, a senior working adult in Malaysia will scold you more if you don't know much thing in the working environment rather than teaching you more especially when you graduate from university.
anyways, the information was just a sharing as i don't really have anything to support it behind.
later on, i just search some related information about the course with the train route but suddenly saw something about the Ickenham tube station as the description was quite creepy as shown below.
First appearing in the 1950s the ghost of a woman who fell onto the track and was electrocuted is said to haunt the station. Wearing a distinctive bright red scarf she invariably appears at the end of the platform, close to where she fell to her death. She has been known to wave to other people on the platform, as if to attract their attention, before suddenly vanishing before their very eyes.
somehow i do feel a little "goose bumps" when thinking about it.
at last, i still worrying and feeling stress for making decision on learning academic English plus business short course in London partly because different opinions.
perhaps i should keep think in a better way that the course will definitely helps me to improve my English skills no matter what others people say since the thing that really matter was myself right?
in addition, i should be grateful that i have such opportunity to extend my stay in London although need to forfeit the RM550+RM200 Dubai round trip stopover. (生在福中不知福)
furthermore, i do think about what's the tour guide sharing in yesterday's Europe trip last day about the "family business" related things because don't forget no matter how bad "the business is", it is the one's that somehow helped raised you up until today as i was "guilty+regret" for saying how bad it is last time without being more considerate or see through all of it.
guess my "self confidence" was the main reason for being single as i shouldn't say those "bad guy" can easily
over time, i tends to get influence by other's people just like this "case" where a simple decision also can make myself become so stress.
sometimes i do wonder why myself being so particular about what other's people say because another huge amount of around RM10,000 for the tuition fees will "pump" to myself, yet i am so "thick face" to accept it, but what was important was i shall look it in a positive way that the course would somehow help me rather than thinking it is useless just like the RM30,000~RM40,000 for the total Sheffield Hallam University degree summer program.
in conclusion, i still feel bad+depressed for sharing so much information in the internet world because sometime not everything can be voiced out and it seems to be having more disadvantage than advantage although my intention was to get some opinion from the outside world using an anonymous identity.
(Self Expenses note: Today £34.50)